Recognizing the treasure within yourself.

Excavating one-of-a-kind rough-cut diamonds

That damn mirror again! One unexpected and incessant lesson of this plunge into writing – the book and this newsletter – is that every message for you is meant for me, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get (and actually believe) the cliché’s, the influencer click-bait, the fortune cookie wisdom, the Hallmark pearls.

All hold truths.

You are worthy and wonderful and one-of-a-kind. You’re special. I’m special. We’re all special.

Just got an Oprah image in my head: One for you! And one for you! And one for you!

Let’s sprinkle that self-love like confetti!

We can nod our heads in agreement and bestow the flowers on those we love, but why is it so damn hard to genuinely celebrate ourselves? Am I projecting here? Are there some (many?) who truly know how special they are? Who can clearly say “who” they are and proclaim (when asked or necessary) with great pride but little “ego” their list of admirable qualities and talents?

If you’re one of them, what’s your secret? Were you born with (and somehow retained) an abundant knowledge of your unique and boundless worth? Or did you learn to embrace it, and if so, how? Seriously, leave a comment and share your wisdom!

An unexpected recommendation (requirement?) on this writing journey is to create your “brand”. All of the classic marketing to-do’s come into play: Know what you’re selling. Know your audience. Know your competition. Know your “value-add.”

And, as I’m reading and researching the “business” side of writing (yuck!), I’m having flashbacks to my career-coaching days. Perhaps I’m only now fully sympathizing with my clients’ struggles in creating and “selling” You-incorporated.

You-incorporated

Resume writing, when done right, is brutal work. Contrary to the way it’s often approached, it’s not supposed to be a list of where you’ve been and what you’ve done. It’s supposed to be a marketing tool. A cover letter is an even more refined, target-market-specific tool.

Who ARE you? Why should they hire YOU and not one of the hundreds of others who’ve also been-there-done-that?

This is not a resume-writing newsletter (today), but the excavation work of writing resumes and cover letters and of career planning is work that can yield life-changing riches that reach far beyond job search goals.

So, this is primarily an encouragement-focused newsletter – for you and for me. Know and celebrate yourself.

Who are you? Who am I?

If you’re like me or any of the many clients I’ve worked with over the year, that’s a harder-than-expected question to answer.

One of my pleasant Substack discoveries is that there are so many brave souls who are open to the challenges of self-discovery and of sharing their struggles and epiphanies. And, there are so many people generously offering support to each other on those journeys. My admiration and appreciation to each of you!

So, I’m going to put myself out there more than I’d anticipated and disclose some of my own “who am I” wrestling’s. My upcoming book and these newsletters are grounded in encouragement, education, and empowerment based on my observations of others and my personal experiences that have shown me how powerfully Psychology knowledge is reflected in our lives.

But, my comfort and enthusiasm is in sharing that knowledge, and I’m realizing that perhaps I’m missing an essential element – sharing me. It’s like my career-change clients – listing all of the relevant information on the resume, but failing to truly know my audience or to communicate Me-incorporated.

So, I’ll do vulnerable this week to model the work of self-discovery, acceptance, and celebration – and it IS work!

Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash

Who am I not? What are my flaws?

As was true for so many of those clients, often identifying what we’re NOT is easier than acknowledging what (or who) we are.

· I’m not the funny one.

· I’m not the easy one.

· I’m not the beautiful one.

· I’m not the confident one.

· I’m not the outgoing one.

· I’m not the merry one.

· I’m not the give 110% one (big fan of “good enough.”)

· I’m not the life of the party.

· I’m not the one who showers effusive “I see your greatness” compliments – like the amazing friend I met in my 50s, who exuberantly tosses them into every casual encounter and meaningful conversation. (You know who you are, dear one!)

Or, listing our “flaws” is often effortless.

(Some free career advice, here: When they ask the “What are your weaknesses?” question, you are NOT supposed to tell them all the things you hate about yourself! They are not your confessor. Always remember that EVERY step in the job search process is an opportunity to SELL yourself – even the weakness question. (I’ll save more advice on that for another newsletter before I get too far off target.))

So, flaws and OK, but’s….

· I’m impatient.

· I’m the exhausted one.

· I’m a pretty good writer, but not awe-inspiring talented, not the one who moves with an eloquent turn of phrase or an evocative vision. (There are some on Substack. Wow.)

· I’m lazy – at least by inclination, but I diligently and daily work my butt off because life has not allowed me to lean into my dilettante preference.

· I’m insecure, but know that I’m pretty OK (maybe even impressive) in some ways.

· I’m smart, but not brilliant.

· I’m incredibly efficient, but that makes me a little (ok, sometimes a lot) intolerant of anything (or anyone, honestly) who is not respectful of my precious and limited time.

· I’m not the generous one - except, I am. What do you need?

· I’m the giving one, but sometimes the resentful one.

· I’m fascinated by ideas and art and mostly by people, but am often limited in my ability or willingness to dive deep.

· I’m a mediocre listener – I genuinely care about what you have to say, but I’m often stressed and distracted, so may not pay full attention.

· I’m tolerant and understanding, but often more at the humanity-level, since I’m easily annoyed by perfectly normal human foibles, idiosyncrasies, and biases.

· I’m encouraging, but my encouragement comes more in the form of tools and information you can use than in enthusiastic cheerleading.

· I’m deeply and humbly grateful, but regularly envious.

· I’m an open book (ask me anything) but have built some heavy-duty self-protective walls.

· I don’t do casual, but sometimes that means I’m quiet or awkward where casual is called for…or sometimes I’m too much.

Why shop at Me-incorporated?

Well, given all that (which is only surface-mining), who would shop at Me-incorporated? And why would they? Who would hire me? Befriend me? Read my book or newsletter?

Digging deeper to unearth the good stuff is messy, necessary, more difficult than it should be, treasure-rich work.

Photo by Bjorn Pierre on Unsplash

What do I have to “offer?”

· I am strong.

· I am responsible.

· I am compassionate.

· I am honest.

· I am loyal.

· I am steadfast.

· I am supportive.

· If you need me, I am there.

· I live up to my commitments.

· I am competent (an under-rated pearl.)

· I am persistent.

· I feel and love deeply.

I don’t know! Re-reading the “strengths”, I feel like a favorite dog! lol A loyal and faithful companion. Adding in the flaws and “not’s,” I feel like the dog you love in spite of (or maybe because of) all of its weird, neurotic goofiness.

Photo by Celine Sayuri Tagami on Unsplash

Well, many people like dogs, right? So, my audience (target market) is dog-lovers?

And like those “Why can’t everyone be happy and nice”” dogs, I’m sad when wondering why people are not. Why do we struggle so much? Why are we – individually and collectively – so mean? Why can’t we just chill and feel good? I don’t understand!

But, of course, I do. My years of study has yielded some generally spot-on insights about the why’s behind some of our most wtf self-harming and other-harming emotions and behaviors.

So, at Me-incorporated, you can find some of the answers to your own wtf questions about yourself and those with whom you share the world, and can receive some expert coaching to increase your capacity for compassionate acceptance of yourself and others (maybe mostly yourself.) That’s what I offer.

All the love and support without the razzle-dazzle, hearts and flowers.

In job search, the ultimate goal is fit: Finding (or creating) the opportunity where who you are and what you have to offer is exactly what they need. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best rocket scientist in the world if what they need is an excellent hair stylist.

So, first you have to honestly figure out what you’ve got (and want) to offer. And, then you have to genuinely understand what they need…and find someone who needs you.

I’m offering my own fit-clarification efforts here as a mirror for you to consider your own personal treasure excavation work:

I sincerely, more than anything, want goodness for everyone! I am the faithful dog who just wants their person (all people) to be happy and well and generous in returning my love.

But that’s somewhat like the beauty pageant response to the “What do you want most?” question. Answer: World Peace.

(Cue Sandra Bullock’s Miss Congeniality scene, where everyone – including eventually her – offered that answer.)

That doesn’t tell you – or anyone else much about me.

What’s my brand? My mission statement?

What’s the gap or need or opportunity, and where’s my value-add?

I suppose an important addition to the personal inventories above is that I am knowledgeable. I have decades of study and teaching under my belt, focused primarily on psychology research, but also in the fields of sociology, communication, and leadership. I believe virtually everything I know in each of those areas is of value to every person, because those domains all strive to understand and serve people – to benefit each one of us.

I don’t want to gate-keep that knowledge. Why should only those who have devoted part of their lives to studying that research have opportunities to benefit from that information as they lead their lives.

The gap I see is that most people don’t know “this stuff” and I am in a position to offer education that is accessible to everyone who’s interested in learning about it (but who would be interested?).

My brand is that honest, compassionate, steadfast dog-persona who genuinely wants to offer guidance and support as I escort “my” people to greener personal pastures. Oh sure, I’d love to ultimately publish and sell lots of copies of my book, but people who know me well would tell you that I really do care. I am on your side -even knowing that we’ll likely never meet. I derive tremendous personal satisfaction and sense of purpose in knowing (hoping) that I can help.

My mission is to help you to better understand yourself and the reasons for your emotions and behaviors so that you can be empowered to take action to create a life of wellness, peace, and joy. My vision for doing that is showing you ways to unpack the what’s and why’s of your patterns, and the how’s of achieving meaningful change.

My value-add is a respectful, no-nonsense, supportive approach. I won’t tell you what you “should” think or feel or do. I’ll assume you can understand nuance and complexities. I won’t talk down to you. I won’t pander. I won’t serve up fortune-cookie wisdom, Hallmark saccharine platitudes, or click-bait, pop-culture, influencer-simplified change-your-life lists.

As noted, I am encouraging, but my encouragement comes more in the forms of complete faith in you and your capacity to be well and good and happier. It comes more in the in-your-corner provision of practical tools and information that I know you can use than in enthusiastic cheerleading. I won’t try to rah-rah-rah you into getting on board.

That, too, is the value I offer you: my steadfast belief in your capabilities and worth.

Starting now!

OK. I’ve just done some of the important work that I’ve been putting off, because – UGH! It’s hard. But it is necessary and empowering.

Some of you know that writing query letters to agents can be an essential step in the book-publishing journey – something I simply had not thought about when I set the bold intention to write a book. And, in some ways, writing these newsletters has been my strategy for procrastinating on the tasks of answering the “who are you, why would anyone want to read your book, why should we invest time and money in representing you” questions.

I think I still need to do some serious work to answer the “Who is your audience?” question.

Help me with that, please. Describe the person you think would be interested in the encouragement and education I’d like to share. Who would be empowered by these newsletters or (thinking of potential agents or publishers) by a book that introduces a new framework for understanding emotional coping patterns and that presents psychology concepts and research to empower individuals to make meaningful, desired changes to increase their wellness and enrich their lives?

Anyway, this unexpected newsletter topic (I can’t even remember what set me on this path today) has been beneficial and empowering for me. I feel like I have a better handle on why I’m doing this and why I’m the right person to do “this.” It’s been time well-spent, regardless of the “success” of this particular newsletter.

Your turn.

I’m proclaiming my whole-hearted belief that you are capable of clarifying “You-incorporated.”

Who are you? What are your strengths? What is your mission, vision, purpose? What is your unique value? What are your goals? Why do they matter? To whom?

Honestly and fully knowing yourself is time well-spent for YOU - regardless of whether you’re looking for a job or a career change or an audience for your book or a partner or your new best friend…or looking for nothing more than self-love and acceptance and empowerment. And, isn’t that the ultimate treasure!?

I know you can recognize the personal work that can be done. I know you can do the work. I know you’re worthy of the work.

Start (and keep) digging!

~Eileen