Damn. Well I didn’t see that coming!

Surprise! What if you’re faced with goal-hurdles you never expected?

I devoted my first Eileen Walker Instagram posts to goal setting – appropriate since I began shortly after New Year’s Resolution season, right?

I integrated key points from those posts in my last 2 newsletters (here and here), and have recently realized an addendum was needed in the exploration of implementation intentions.

Implementation intentions help you prepare for your expected challenges on the path to your goal. They’re if-then plans.

If “this typical situation occurs” that might throw me off, then I will….

The idea is to brainstorm and strategize in advance…to use time and cognitive and emotional resources early in the goal-striving process to reduce the demands on your time and cognitive and emotional resources when you’re in the middle of your goal-journey.

Photo by Kind and Curious on Unsplash

But, what if you’re faced with challenges you could not have anticipated? How do you stop those situations from completely derailing your success – or even your motivation to continue at all?

It’s my newsletter, so I get to use my recent experiences to illustrate. They’re the inspiration for this particular article and I hope you can see some connections to your own goal-achieving challenges.

First up: The almost universally-shared health goals.

I’ve mentioned that a few years ago I took some new steps that helped me achieve some health-goals I’d been unable to reach for decades. Of course, I didn’t keep up with all of them consistently (see previous posts – and probably upcoming ones – about neural pathways and the challenges of changing reinforced habits), but I have been consistent in some of them for nearly 3 years now.

· I walk several miles a day. I added 5-7 mile hikes most weeks.

· I lift pretty heavy weights at the gym twice a week.

· I am intentional about including more protein in my days.

And, recently I’d recommitted to some of the other beneficial practices (journaling, some calorie mindfulness, yoga, etc.). Even though I hadn’t fully gotten back on track with those, I felt pride and satisfaction in knowing that I’d continued with the physical activity changes – which some research suggests are most associated with long term health.

I used my implementation intentions.

If I couldn’t get to the gym twice during the week, then I worked out with hand weights at home. If I wasn’t able to walk one day, then I added a little extra on another day OR then I spoke kindly to myself and reminded myself that this was a life-long lifestyle change and there was nothing wrong with skipping a day – or several!

And, knowing that I have successfully kept up with those changes increased my confidence that I’d recommit and follow through on the other habits I’d let lapse.

But….

Then, Surprise, I somehow hurt my hip. It seemed to be just a gradual, maybe overuse issue. I kept walking and going to the gym, but dialed things back. And, I did all the things (massage, a few physical therapy visits, heat, ice, rest, electrical stimulation, ibuprofen, yoga, etc.) and nothing helped. It got to the point that simply stepping up a curb was excruciating – and sometimes I had to have help doing even that.

WTF?! Was it a muscle strain? Bursitis? Arthritis? Old-age hips? (link to recent newsletter with the answer.)

I started trotting out my go-to self-loathing, pessimistic language. It’s my fault. It’s because I’ve regained the weight. No good deed goes unpunished – this is what happens when I try to do the right things. I give up.

Anyway, I started actively working to reframe things and then….Surprise!

One evening I stood up quickly when my foot was asleep and my foot shifted in my slipper and I “sort of” fell (I caught myself). But, my foot immediately swelled and I thought it was broken. I did even more of the things (rest, ice) and added elevation. And, I decided that I was going to lean into my body’s call to STOP. I didn’t walk at all for weeks. I didn’t go to the gym…and when I finally did, I only did arm exercises.

So, now I wasn’t even following through on the action steps I had been successful in. The pain persisted, and now I’d added new limitations to my litany. And, of course, because I was scared and frustrated and depressed, I certainly wasn’t jumping on my decision to recommit to my other health-promoting steps. Bring on the pasta, cakes, doughnuts, French fries, and ice cream!

Photo by Billy Mangino on Unsplash

And, then bring on the self-defeating internal messages. Sheesh!

Do as I say, not as I do (or did)!

But, this situation wasn’t in my implementation plans, so I had no helpful strategies to draw on to offer even a fraying rope-ladder out of my pit of despair.

Some version of a plan should have been. The reality is that we WILL be surprised. Life throws unexpected challenges at us all the time. Again and again and again.

OK, before I get into the encouragement and empowerment that I hope I discover before the end of this essay, allow me to indulge in a completely different personal example.

Next up: The Writer’s Journey and New Year’s Social Media Resolutions

So…I’d offered some insights and support to some loved-ones, and one of them said, “You should write a book.” And, completely clueless-me thought, “OK. I will.” A big goal, right?

I did some action planning. Broke things down. Tried to be realistic. Set timelines. Developed some implementation intentions – even though I really had no idea what some of the “if’s” would be…and began.

Dear reader, If you’re a writer you probably will “get” all that I’m about to say. If you’re not a writer, let this tiny glimpse of the journey help you recognize the near-miracle you hold in your hand (or in your air pod) when you read (or listen to) a published book.

A quick dip into the possible and overwhelming paths to publication nearly drowned my writing goals. Fortunately, I’d already written drafts of about 10 chapters, so I had some motivation to persist.

Just one of the many “ugh’s” that faced me: Publishers are interested in non-fiction writers who have a “platform” – which usually includes a social media platform – which I did not! I still don’t, in terms of potential reader numbers that would be attractive.

Write a newsletter they said. Join Substack they said. Get subscribers they said.

OK, new goals, new action steps, new implementation intentions.

The write a newsletter goal was surprisingly enjoyable. Time consuming – yes. Stressful – yes. But, an unexpected opportunity to write whatever I wanted. An unrealized gift of being a writer – whether or not I ever finish or publish a book. So the weekly-newsletter action plan was (largely) within my control, do-able, and rewarding. Good so far.

Then, there’s the Substack-get-subscribers part. Not so much in my control! But, some things were, according to the “grow your readership” advice that – it turns out – is constantly in your face on Substack. One of those recommendations was to use the “Notes” feature to promote your work, share some brief inspirations, and find other writers to build community.

Jumping into this completely unexpected path turned out to be pretty rewarding, too – in terms of exposing me to some fascinating and talented writers. I could easily spend hours each day reading. It was interesting. It was thought-provoking. It was often visually beautiful (there are lots of artists on Substack, too.)

Coming up with my own Notes to share was challenging, sometimes, but it was another unexpected and satisfying way of writing.

The outcome part of things – growing my platform through active participation in the Notes – not so great. The relentless “I have more subscribers. Here’s what I did to grow” Notes began to feed into my ingrained capitalistic, achiever, success norms and in just a few short weeks, engaging on Substack became more stressful and doubt-promoting than interesting.

Photo by JJ Ying on Unsplash

I began questioning why I was doing this? Why was I writing at all? It was simply adding stress to my already over-committed life.

A tangent and a connection

A New Year’s Resolution (goal) I’d set at the beginning of the year revolved around refocusing on things (people) that were most important to me and intentionally adding calm and joy to my life. I couldn’t change the incredibly stressful societal upheaval I knew was coming, but I could take small steps in my days. I could be intentional in “not giving them my todays”…in not focusing on things that were out of my control and on a future that seemed uncertain and frightening.

One of my actionable steps to support those goals was reducing screen time. I developed some loose implementation intentions to help me stay on track with that goal.

Well, here came the Substack surprise!

Many readers and writers on Substack celebrate their transition “from” algorithm-driven social media platforms to this more personal and supportive space. And, there is some truth to that – lots more positive and encourage content and comments. Much less division and vitriol. But, it’s still algorithm-driven. And, the “grow your platform” content (from the Substack team, from writers, from readers) reinforces capitalistic, performance goals that conflicted – strongly – with my intentions for a calmer, more grounded life.

In just weeks, Substack became just another grind. Another time-suck.

I had started writing because I genuinely believe I have insights and encouragement to offer and I want to share that – but, not at the expense of my peace and my values.

Sure, I want people to read what I’ve taken the time and opened my heart to write. Sure, I’d like to publish a book. Sure, I’d like it to be a bestseller and provide me with an income so I can spend more time writing and less time grading.

But, I have resisted (and resented) the more, more, more…produce, produce, produce…earn, earn, earn…prove your worth values of our culture my entire life. I’m not going to surrender to those demands just because I want to write.

And, putting those life-aspirational values considerations aside, my actionable goal was simply to reduce screen time and to do more things that brought me satisfaction (like writing, I discovered) and joy (like slowing down and spending time with dear ones.)

Circling back to the goal

Alright, now you have the long-winded, yet condensed, picture of my inspiration for revisiting implementation intentions.

Implementation intentions are plans. But, you know what they say about the best laid plans!

We simply cannot prepare for what we don’t know to prepare for. We don’t know what we don’t know.

So, what do we do? Well, we can quit. And, that’s a viable, no-judgment option. I regularly consider it in terms of my writing goals. Is it worth the effort? I seldom consider it with my health goals, because I am sure they’re worth the effort.

Either way, facing unexpected challenges on the path to your goal – challenges that you could not have anticipated – presents opportunities.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Encourage and Empower

I guess here comes the encouragement part – and I’m talking to myself as much as I am to you.

The “WTF, I didn’t see this coming and I have no idea how to address this” obstacles direct us to revisit all of our initial goal setting steps, beginning most importantly with our WHY.

Why are we doing this? Is it worth persisting? Is it worth figuring out alternative pathways to the goal?

The answer might be no. That’s OK. Be honest with yourself about why the answer is no. Be compassionate in accepting that no. It might have been worth dealing with the obstacles you’d anticipated, but simply not worth this surprise burden. Might it be a not-now, rather than a no?

If the why remains compelling, then the goal-setting process kicks in again. Might it be necessary to shift the goal – to redirect your attention? Might this unexpected road block present an opportunity to clarify what you actually want?

Now that you DO know the challenges that are in front of you (they’re not surprises anymore), you can begin developing strategies to help you deal with them and reach your goal.

For me, these revisiting steps have clarified that, yes, I want to be healthy and active and strong. And, maybe I want to write (which I did not know a few months ago.) I’m not sure the physical challenges have clarified things any more than they were, but the Substack/self-promotion/screen time surprise has clarified things.

I do want to reduce screen time and I do not want to drain my emotional resources by trying to “grow my platform”. If that ends up being the determining “fail” factor in the publishing journey, then so be it.

I think my initial goals remain largely intact. The shift will be in approaches – now that I see the challenges that are currently in front of me.

Strategies include:

· Health Goals: Going to the damn doctor (which I resist for a variety of reasons) and determining a path to alleviate pain, increasing self-compassion and patience, and leaning into the health-promoting habits that are accessible to me right now.

· Writing Goals: Honestly, I wrote this draft a few weeks ago and I think these goals and strategies have changed some more in those few weeks. For the moment, I plan to keep writing the weekly newsletter – which I’m enjoying - though the pace and content might change. I have some work to do to clarify this goal. Finish writing the book (which all this platform-growing has derailed) - even if I decide not to try to publish, I do think I want to develop the book content…again, a goal that needs more clarifying. Limit Notes reading to 5 minutes a day (even though that means I’ll have less opportunity to support other writers) - again, since I wrote this draft I haven’t been reading the Notes at all, and I’m hoping that clarifying and dialing back on my other writing goals will open some capacity for me to actually read and engage more with the interesting folk on this platform.

For you, if you’re now decided your own damn unexpected hurdle won’t stop you, you can recognize and celebrate your herculean persistence! Deciding to keep going in the face of the unexpected demonstrates that you were (and are) clear about your why. Honor that. Let it fuel you.

And, again, if the unexpected hurdles have presented opportunities for you to reconsider your “why”…well, that’s incredibly valuable, too. It takes strength, grace, and clarity to pivot away from goals that you’ve decided don’t currently serve you.

If what I didn’t even know to imagine happens, then I will…..

Now that you (we) accept that we must prepare for surprise challenges – not just anticipated ones – we can develop an implementation intention FOR what we can’t plan for:

If I face an unexpected challenge on the path to my goal, then I will do these things:

· I will pause.

· I will give myself grace.

· I will reconsider my why and give myself permission to change my mind about my goal (with no judgement) – or to recommit. (Off-ramp or detour)

· If I decide to keep going, then I will revisit the goal-setting process to develop new strategies and implementation intentions.

· I will recognize and celebrate my willingness and ability to clarify and pursue my goals – because they’re important to me and I know that I am worth the work!

You are always worth the work.

~Eileen

If you like my content and want to support me on this journey, there are a few easy things you can do:

· Heart my posts.

· Leave comments.

· Follow me on Substack.

· Subscribe to the newsletter (always free).

Emotionally: All of those actions provide me with feedback and encouragement to keep writing.

Practically: The more people take those actions, the more Substack algorithms amplify my work, the more readers will find me, and the more potential agents and publishers will see that there’s a potential audience for my book.

I humbly and fully appreciate your support!